


I had a beautiful encounter

by LuluTen



Series: Sympathy for the Angel [1]
Category: A3! (Video Game)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Era, Dreams, Extended Metaphors, Flying, I have too much sympathy for the angel, Introspection, M/M, Not Beta Read, Pre-Canon, could be read as platonic, tatsum if you squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2020-08-21
Packaged: 2021-03-07 01:00:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26018422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LuluTen/pseuds/LuluTen
Summary: Tsumugi and Tasuku have always been connected.If he had to describe it, Tsumugi would say that acting felt like flying.Even though he had given up on acting, Tsumugi could never give up on Tasuku.
Relationships: Takatoo Tasuku/Tsukioka Tsumugi
Series: Sympathy for the Angel [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1888450
Kudos: 17





	I had a beautiful encounter

**Author's Note:**

> “From now on, let’s keep going. We’ll do this again and again, together.”
> 
> The curtain rises today, too.

_“Ah, you want to know why I love acting so much? It’s simple, really.”_

If he had to describe it, Tsumugi would say that acting felt like flying. There was a comparable rush of adrenaline to it. He could feel a slight tremolo of fear flutter down his back that was quickly quashed by the sheer awe of each moment. It was incredible and each instance was beautiful in its own way. Each moment on stage was a precious second where he could finally unfurl his wings and truly feel free. 

Even in middle school, standing on stage with all of a child’s fumbling grace, he felt his fledgling wings catch flight. He could feel the wind rushing around him as his toes began to kiss the air with a gentle flutter. He stood on that little stage, eyes shining bright, as he transformed into someone else. He never wanted to leave. After that first taste, he never wanted the moment to end. Together, with Tasuku, he would fly as far as he could. He would soar. He would never stop and simply glide, held aloft by his emotions. 

*

_“You know that it’s our dream, after all. I love it, every moment and every failure, so let’s keep going, together.”_

He made every choice he could to continue that rush, to give the best performance he could. He went on trips with Tasuku, attended workshops and training camps, and practiced with every fibre of his being. He absorbed the world, constantly searching for another moment to chase that freeing feeling. He threw himself into etudes, threw himself into living for that feeling. He would savour the sweetness in these small moments where he felt truly alive. Tsumugi had devoted himself to improving his acting at every chance. Each moment, each character portrayal, gave him another opportunity to fly. He even majored in psychology to get a better feel for those subtle facial shifts and habits that would breathe life into his character portrayals. Acting inexplicably connected him to Tasuku, binding them together as they carved a path through the stars. Though everyone called them acting junkies, he knew that they were just waiting for another moment to fly together. When he was on stage, he only felt that incredible sensation of freedom. He only felt the rush of acting, of sharing another irreplaceable moment with his best friend. It was inevitable, then, that he would continue with Tasuku for as long as he could and fly with him for as long as he could, together with the person who understood him like no other could.

*

_“I won’t let us be separated again.”_

After spending so long together, it was inevitable that Tsumugi and Tasuku would audition for the same troupe. Tsumugi was so ready to continue acting, to fully devote himself to it without any other distractions. He wanted, more than anything he’s ever wanted before, to join the God troupe and stand on that shining stage. Though he understood that Tasuku had a flashier style than he did, he was confident that, with all the effort and devotion he’s put into his acting, it would all work out. 

He strung his hopes into a fragile tapestry, worn with time and stretched thin by his nerves. Tsumugi put his soul into that audition, praying that he could take the next step in his journey, and that moment, that audition for the God troupe, had been the first to fully knock him down. Reni Kamikizaka, armed with his piercing barbs and a sneering grin, had brutally sliced through the chinks in his armor. He beat him to the ground, ripping apart his fragile wings. He was an amateur, a joke, shoddy, dry, too demure, not striking, too soft, untalented, and too unprepared for the world. He would only drag Tasuku down. Was it true? Perhaps Tasuku’s wings had opened an easy path for him. He had always been more suited for the subtleties as opposed to Tasuku’s unspoken sweeping grandeur. Perhaps he wasn’t built to fly for long. Perhaps flight was only possible in his dreams. Perhaps, like Icarus, he had flown too close to the sun, been too caught up in his daydreams, and was torn down like he deserved. If Kamikizaka, leader of the most renowned troupe on Veludo Way, saw no potential in him then perhaps it was true. Deep down, he always knew that people preferred Tasuku’s flair, but he never considered that his own performance could stain his brilliance with its comparatively understated expression. Of all things he could do, he would not forgive himself if he ever tainted the stage or ruined Tasuku’s performances. No, it would be better for everyone else if he left it all behind. He wouldn’t let himself stain Tasuku's acting. It would be better if he could fly in full form, even if it was alone. He wouldn't let Tasuku throw away this chance to act with the God troupe for a silly childhood promise. He wouldn't ruin his precious dream while fruitlessly trying to chase his own. 

Glancing ahead, he saw Tasuku steadily flying onwards, leaving him behind, as he hurtled to the ground. His bright form steadily grew smaller and smaller as he spiralled down. Tasuku, his one constant in a changing world, had continued moving ahead when Tsumugi could no longer get off the ground. He couldn’t face him again knowing that his failure had cost them their dream, knowing that even in success he would have eventually ruined it. He couldn’t face Tasuku, couldn’t explain his failure to Tasuku and risk tainting him, but he couldn’t continue as if nothing had happened either. There was no way they would be able to continue with this ever widening gap between them. The only thing he could do was run away. At least, he thought, he could care for his plants well while he was clipped to the cold, hard ground. 

*

_“Please don’t worry about me. Don’t feel sorry because it’s not your fault. Please, if you must do one thing, just be happy.”_

Despite himself, despite his clipped wings, he always found himself at Tasuku’s performances. Though his dream, their dream, was over for him, he could never completely leave it behind. It felt fitting, sitting there in the audience, that he had to look up to see Tasuku in flight. It was his first time playing the lead in such a major work but he hid most of his nervous energy well. He shone under the lights and, despite his subtle nervous quirks, he swiftly propelled himself through the performance. Even if he tried, he wouldn’t be able to look away from his bright form. They were together once again, though only in his heart, and Tsumugi took pride in seeing him soar. He would save flyers, keeping them inexplicably pressed between books or folded up in his wallet. He would buy DVDs, desperate to somehow preserve the only moments they could be together now. And somehow, despite his bad memories, his feet would always bring him to the theatre so he could watch him in action.

Even though he had given up on acting, Tsumugi could never give up on Tasuku. He felt like, somehow, part of his lost spirit could live on in Tasuku’s performances. He felt a phantom rush of excitement trample through his body just by seeing his closest friend on stage. It was a feeling that he thought he lost after that fateful audition but somehow his body responded instinctively after all this time, practically singing with a quiet sense of desire. He could feel his caged heart quiver. Despite their broken bond, he had no other thoughts after the performance, hurriedly cramming as much writing on his questionnaire as he could, except to help him improve, as he always had. Tsumugi trusted that Tasuku would fly far, and he would watch him, supporting him in the only way he could now, secretly from afar. He wondered if Tasuku could see him from his spot above and if he knew how much he still cared. 

*

_“I think that despite our distance, despite everything that’s happened to us, it’ll be okay.”_

His audition for the Mankai Company had been a purely selfish move. They were gaining traction for their unique range of actors and experience levels, and, just maybe, even a terribly drab actor like him could find a place to start again. After all this time, he simply wanted to taste the joy of acting once more, even if it was alone. It had been difficult for him to start regaining confidence in himself but seeing Tasuku, working harder than ever, up on stage again and again encouraged him to begin anew himself. He still loved to watch him act, even after all these years. Even after all this time, he was so ashamed of giving up once that he still couldn’t dream of facing him without the cover of the impersonal shine from below. He would remain a silent observer for now. It felt fitting somehow for him to be shrouded in the darkness only to look up at his friend, bathed in light. 

To return on the stage, to be reunited with Tasuku in some spiritual way, sparked his hopes once again. Spiritually they could be acting together, both taking the stage, even if they weren’t physically together. His passions, his dreams, he could feel them grow impossibly large while he imagined, for the first time, that he could fly with his broken wings. He finally began to shed his old worries, saddled on his back by the God troupe’s rejection, and felt his wings begin to molt. He was ready to start over and create a beautiful new beginning. 

*

_“I know we’ve gone through some rough patches.”_

Tsumugi had no idea what to do when we saw Tasuku again after joining the Mankai Company. He wasn’t anywhere near ready to see him and to hear that he, after carrying the weight of their dreams on his back, had quit the God troupe only made him feel more conflicted. Somehow, once again, their paths had been tangled together only to divert once more. Of course, as soon as Tsumugi had begun to hope again, he quickly learned that Tasuku had left the stage. He was naïve for believing that he could fix things, for believing that he could begin again. He was too late. There’s no way he would want to see him now.

It was even more jarring for them to be thrust into the same company as soon as they met again. Somehow, as if fate was waiting for the worst moment, they were tied together once more in an ugly, fraying mess of a knot. He was resolute though, especially since they could potentially stand on the same stage for real, that he would work hard to finally become an actor worthy of standing with him. He would need to cobble together his confidence again, but he knew that he wouldn’t run away this time. His wings began to tremble imperceptibly in their loosening confines. He wouldn’t throw away this chance.

*

_“Trust me when I say that I won’t make those same mistakes again.”_

He didn’t know what to do when Tasuku said that he didn’t want to stand on stage with him again. It was all he ever wanted, but as the days passed, despite the fact that he was closer to it than ever before, he only felt that dream slip further and further out of his grasp. It began to fly away from his feeble hold once more. Somehow, being physically closer had only widened the gap between them. Even when they were finally together, he still found some way to ruin it. His only wish in that moment was to talk to him and to finally, finally, resolve his messy feelings. Tsumugi just wanted to fly once more. He felt his wings beat steadily, impatiently brushing against his outstretched arms, in a desperate plea to finally resolve things. They both communicate best with acting, so it’s no surprise to him that their reconciliation comes about through another street act, just like in the past.

*

_“In the end, I still want to be with you for a very, very long time.”_

It was fitting that his return to the stage would feature a descent of its own after everything he’s been through on his journey to reach the stage. He could understand Michael’s plight. That was his fate: to love, to descend on faulty wings to the human realm, and to die protecting it. He would become the angel who, once again, could not meet his love face to face, the angel who must resort to writing in hopes of communicating with them. He thinks for a moment that dying for the sake of love is the ultimate display of dedication. It would be his first flight and yet, paradoxically, it was also his last.

To relive this moment of losing his wings once again felt entirely different. This time, these wings are not his but Michael’s, purposefully fading as he finally achieves peace with his love. He isn’t losing his wings so much as he is fully devoting himself to his dream. This time, his shedding feathers are actually marks of his success. His final moments are simply him, together with Tasuku once again, as he’s carried away in his arms. As he begins his flight once again, he knows that his fellow troupemates, that Tasuku, will be ready to catch him. He will never have to worry about falling again. 

Tsumugi has always wanted to fly, to fly on stage with Tasuku, and he knows that this play will be his first of many flights, finally reunited with the person he knows best.

**Author's Note:**

> Ahhh, one night I just had the thought that Sympathy for the Angel could be read with a bunch of parallels for Tsumugi and Tasuku's lives. Consider how Tsumu’s journey compares to Michael's (he fell in love with acting and descended to pursue it, only to be burned by his love (ie rejected from Godza) and he dies metaphorically (ie gives up on acting). Tasuku as Raphael can’t read his letters or understand him exactly as they are in different realms but ultimately he regrets being unable to support Tsumugi as Michael in his dream and expresses how much he cares for him, even if it’s too late. 
> 
> I just have a lot of feelings about this pair of childhood friend acting dummies, even more if you consider a romantic element to their relationship? Consider Michael's inability to meet directly with his love as a parallel to Tsumu's inability to face Tasuku directly. Consider the possibility that Raphael was actually in love with Michael (though it's implied that his past love was actually a human too...) and he regretted being unable to express it as a parallel to Tasuku's inability to articulate his feelings towards Tsumugi (and his acting abilities) until he had already left acting behind. I didn't focus on romance for this story (or the companion piece about Tasuku's thoughts) so I think it can be read without that element of it. 
> 
> I wrote this piece before the companion piece (which started to flow out of my hands in the middle of writing this one because I have a lot of thoughts about Tasuku too) and it feels angstier and more fantastical? I love Tsumugi but I reached a point where I was unsure if I was writing true to character or if I was simply using him as a medium to tell a different story. I think in that way, the story about Tasuku is much more grounded in canon (especially because I reread the Winter troupe story just to add a couple more details) so I hope it turned out alright. I haven't actually written any pieces in a long time so it felt like a rare moment of inspiration when I wrote this out. I know that I have a problem with my comma usage and sentence structure but hopefully it doesn't obscure the general mood too much.


End file.
